Wednesday 5 August 2015

Life | I'm Taking a Little Break

Hey guys!

Thank you so much for reading my blog so far – I've really enjoyed writing it and sharing awesome things with you. I find it so humbling that people are actually read anything I write, I am so so grateful, and hope I've been able to help people.

However much I am enjoying it though, I must take a break. As I'm sure you have gathered by now, I am a spoonie (Spoon Theory is explained here) with chronic fatigue. As I work 25-30 hours a week, I really am meant to rest for the remaining however many hours. Rather than resting, for the past few months I have been working on my blog. While this is not a crime, I haven't been doing it …. well / healthily. I should be resting and blogging, not just blogging. Pacing has gone out the window, I'm spending more spoons than I can afford and I have been getting more and more fatigued. So in the future I shall be blogging less frequently and resting more.

I am choosing the take a break now because 1) I have finally accepted that it is blogging so much that has caused an increased in symptoms, 2) I have realised that blogging is taking my focus away from general recovery and 3) it's summer.

As mentioned earlier, I have had an increase in what one would call typival ME/CFS symptoms – exhaustion, fatigue, achy painful muscles, joint pain, brain fog, disturbed sleep et cetera, et cetera. As I mainly blog in my bed, I thought it was pretty much resting. This is super dumb, but I'm good at justifying things I enjoy to myself. I don't get to create much these days, and when I do I feel alive and find flow. My spoons are spent on work and basic life things in between shifts. Writing requires a lot of spoons. More than I thought. It's bloody exhausting and the last thing I need is to exhaust myself out of work, too. Once I get back to resting and pacing properly, I shall blog when I genuinely have the energy to spend, and pace my writing.

While becoming so engrossed in blogging I have been neglecting some important, basic things without even realising it. It turns out making an actual effort to lose weight requires energy. Most of the energy I was meant to be spending on it has been spent of writing. I feel really good about focusing on weight loss again and have set myself the goal of losing 7 pounds, as a milestone type thing. I can save money better with the spoons to concentrate on it and have a better chance of actually learning to drive if I'm not full of brain fog and falling asleep. I also need to focus on improving my sleep patterns and all the little things involved in fatigue management and recovery as well as being a decent girlfriend, daughter, sister, friend, and employee, I guess. I can also try to keep my room relatively tidy again, draw, read my books and maybe even play some video games!

Purbeck in general is a massive tourist trap. It survives on 6 weeks of summer business and that's about it. My place of work is directly underneath Corfe Castle – a hugely popular tourist attraction and as of this year – one of only two pubs in the village. As one reviewer on TripAdvisor so eloquently put it; “This place gets busier than Waterloo in the rush hour”. With such a busy pub, bar work involves at lot of brain energy, and waiting involves a lot of leg work and brain energy. This means it's a lot more tiring than normal for me rest in-between shifts is so much more important. Blogging isn't rest whether I am in bed or not. So I need to seriously do less for the next few weeks.

For the past week and a half I have already been resting more and am feeling the benefits already. It's making me more creative and blog post ideas flow out of my brain every night before I sleep, so hopefully, although I shall me posting less often, the posts will be of better quality.

I hope you understand and have an amazing August. I shall lose 7 lbs and save £500 towards driving. I also plan on spending a lot of time like this;

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