Hey guys!
Thank you so much for
reading my blog so far – I've really enjoyed writing it and sharing
awesome things with you. I find it so humbling that people are
actually read anything I write, I am so so grateful, and hope I've
been able to help people.
However much I am
enjoying it though, I must take a break. As I'm sure you have
gathered by now, I am a spoonie (Spoon Theory is explained here) with
chronic fatigue. As I work 25-30 hours a week, I really am meant to
rest for the remaining however many hours. Rather than resting, for
the past few months I have been working on my blog. While this is not
a crime, I haven't been doing it …. well / healthily. I should be
resting and blogging, not
just blogging. Pacing has gone out the window, I'm spending more spoons than I can afford and I have been
getting more and more fatigued. So in the future I shall be blogging
less frequently and resting more.
I
am choosing the take a break now because 1) I have finally accepted
that it is blogging so much that has caused an increased in symptoms,
2) I have realised that blogging is taking my focus away from general
recovery and 3) it's summer.
As
mentioned earlier, I have had an increase in what one would call typival ME/CFS symptoms – exhaustion, fatigue, achy painful muscles, joint
pain, brain fog, disturbed sleep et cetera, et cetera. As I mainly
blog in my bed, I thought it was pretty much resting. This is super
dumb, but I'm good at justifying things I enjoy to myself. I don't
get to create much these days, and when I do I feel alive and find
flow. My spoons are spent on work and basic life things in between
shifts. Writing requires a lot
of spoons. More than I thought. It's bloody exhausting
and the last thing I need is to exhaust myself out of work, too. Once
I get back to resting and pacing properly, I shall blog when I
genuinely have the energy to spend, and pace my writing.
While
becoming so engrossed in blogging I have been neglecting some
important, basic things without even realising it. It turns out
making an actual effort to lose weight requires energy. Most of the
energy I was meant to be spending on it has been spent of writing. I
feel really good about focusing on weight loss again and have set
myself the goal of losing 7 pounds, as a milestone type thing. I can save money better with the spoons to concentrate on it and have a better chance of actually learning to drive if I'm not full of brain fog and falling asleep. I also
need to focus on improving my sleep patterns and all the little
things involved in fatigue management and recovery as well as being a decent girlfriend, daughter, sister, friend, and employee, I guess. I can also try to keep my room relatively tidy
again, draw, read my books and maybe even play some video games!
Purbeck in general is a massive tourist trap. It survives on 6 weeks
of summer business and that's about it. My place of work is directly
underneath Corfe Castle – a hugely popular tourist attraction and
as of this year – one of only two pubs in the village. As one
reviewer on TripAdvisor so eloquently put it; “This place gets
busier than Waterloo in the rush hour”. With such a busy pub, bar
work involves at lot of brain energy, and waiting involves a
lot of leg work and brain energy. This means it's a lot
more tiring than normal for me rest in-between shifts is so much more important. Blogging isn't rest whether I am in bed or not. So
I need to seriously do less for the next few weeks.
For the past week and a half I have already been resting more and am feeling the benefits already. It's making me more creative and blog post ideas flow out of my brain every night before I sleep, so hopefully, although I shall me posting less often, the posts will be of better quality.
I hope you understand and have an amazing August. I shall lose 7 lbs and save £500 towards driving. I also plan on spending a lot of time like this;
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